Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
