It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
