Have you finally orgasmed yet?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
why do cheetos always look like penises
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
