Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am puke
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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