Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
