is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
