And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
