i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
