then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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