can we get nightvision for the apartment?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
