Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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