My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
