i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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