Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
