It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
