my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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