i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
