i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
