I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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