we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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