your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
