I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
