420 ftw
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
