i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
