I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
