Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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