I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
