Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
