none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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