id be glad to
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
