I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
