she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
