well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
