He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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