I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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