watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
