My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
