the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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