in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
