It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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