There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
