You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
