Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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