I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
