I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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