Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
