I wish my penis had an off switch
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
