I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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