Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
