he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
