just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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