i think my tv is drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
