dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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