If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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