1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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