singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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